Who I Was to Who I Am
by jm-oc-ja
Summary: Beca has a guilty conscience and tells Chloe about a part of her past she has come to terms with. Beca/Chloe


Beca couldn't sleep, she owed Chloe an explanation from years ago about the girl in the stupid paragraph she wrote after failing her class. Chloe had asked her a few times but Beca always brushed it off not wanting to explain. Yet tonight as she lay in bed with Chloe's arms wrapped around her as she stared at the ceiling she realized how horrible she was being not telling Chloe. She sighed realizing it would have to wait till morning because Chloe was asleep and she refused to wake the girl up.

"Your thinking is detracting from my sleep." Chloe said shifting further into Beca, burying her head in her hair.

"Sorry." Beca whispered kissing the top of Chloe's head.

"What are you thinking about?" Chloe yawned, setting her head on Beca's chest, looking up at her.

"It's nothing."

"If it was nothing you would be asleep, you never let things worry you this bad."

"That letter, you found and keep asking me about. That girl helped me a lot." Chloe sat up and pulled Beca into her arms.

"Go on."

"Her name was Cam, and we met the summer going into my freshmen year…"

x-x-x

_Cam had her arms wrapped tightly around Beca, holding the small girl up as she fought against her._

"_Beca stop throwing fits right now." Cam growled jerking the girl back to her feet once again, the waves of anger were rolling off Beca so thick Cam was sure you could cut them with a knife. Cam held the smaller girl tight to her, Beca's back to her chest, she held her up so she wouldn't crumble to the floor. _

"_I don't get it." Beca screamed and shook, Cam pulled her up holding onto her as the girl started to cry. Cam knew Beca wouldn't cry long, she couldn't she was too scared to. Her father had not been the nicest person when he filed for divorce from Beca's mother. Whenever he caught Beca crying he'd scream at her that she wasn't bleeding thus there was no reason to cry, if that didn't work he'd threaten to give her a reason to cry._

"_I've got you, it's alright." Beca latched onto Cam like her life depended on it, she was shaking and taking very controlled breaths. "It's ok to cry, he's not going to hurt you." She figured it was useless, all Beca had heard since she was eight was that crying was weak and the only reason to cry was from physical pain. Up till Beca meeting Cam the young girl had no idea that what her father had done was considered abuse, she still swore that it wasn't. Cam ran her hands up and down the girl vigorously trying to warm her up and at least attempt to get her to stop shaking. "Babe it's alright." Cam said again. _

"_No it's not, it's dumb, I shouldn't be crying." Cam could feel Beca shaking not only from the amount of energy she was using to fight her own body but from the fear that came with her crying. _

"_Beca, you can't help it, crying is just something we all do." Cam's heart broke as Beca stiffened in her arms, Beca was too afraid of losing people to let them too close and had turned on Cam many times. Cam had learned the hard way that she needed to just stick it out because Beca couldn't say sorry either, it meant she made a mistake._

"_No! it's not I don't." Beca snapped glaring at Cam, Cam sighed and wrapped Beca back in her arms, kissing the top of her head._

"_Beca you have to calm down, you get yourself all worked up and don't let things out and that's how you end up at the wrong end of a blade." Cam said rubbing circles onto Beca's back as Beca released another sob, that single sob got Beca to cry, for once it was like any other person crying the deep gut wrenching sobs and tears streaking down her face instead of the violent shaking and controlled breathing with a single tear. Cam was shocked to realize that for as long as she's know the girl she had never actually seen her cry like this. Cam did just what she would any other day, she held Beca tightly, whispering that she would never leave, and would always be there for her no matter what._

x-x-x

"She helped me deal with a lot of tough things when I was in high school. She got me to stop cutting, and admit that my dad had actually abused me emotionally. She helped me get back to what a normal person was."

"How could you forgive him…" Chloe asked tears running down her own cheeks at the memory Beca had just shared.

"He's my father, Cam taught me that even if I hated him he still loved me and he made a mistake. I just, I don't like talking about it, because people don't understand that I'm not the same anymore. Just because all that happened doesn't mean I let it define my life. Yeah I still struggle with being touched and I catch myself beating myself up for being weak but I know I'm stronger than that now."

"It's not fair what he did to you." Chloe said hugging Beca tighter to her.

"No it's not but I won't let it ruin my life." Beca kissed Chloe. "Had it not happened I wouldn't be who I am, and I'm pretty damn proud of who I am." Chloe smiled at this and nodded.

"So am I, because I love you."


End file.
